


I never want to spoil an illusion

by brennivin



Series: MGS Summer Games 2020 [2]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Dogs, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grounding, Intrusive Thoughts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Snake loves his stupid pile of giant doggies, he knows u shouldn't have dogs on the bed but he does not care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25953874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brennivin/pseuds/brennivin
Summary: Snake has a bit of a tough night, but his ridiculous number of emotional support huskies will get him through it.Occurs pre-MGS1 when Snake is living in Alaska and processing his trauma.-MGS summer games 2020 - challenge ID F3
Series: MGS Summer Games 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883683
Kudos: 10
Collections: Metal Gear Solid - Summer Games -2020





	I never want to spoil an illusion

Isolation. Solitary. 

It was a lifestyle that David wasn’t exactly used to.

David was used to a lifestyle that consisted of crowded barracks filled with clammy muttering bodies and constantly having to report his location and daily schedule back and forth between himself and superiors. David was used to having his meals scheduled for him. He was used to having his daily activities planned out meticulously.

And yet, here he sat in a cute little wooden cabin in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. One might even be inclined to call this place ‘quaint’.

He might have gone insane up here, cooped up in the same wood-heated room every night and battered by ice-cold winds by day. He might have gone insane if it weren’t for the dogs.

At first, he hadn’t let them lie in his bed with him. It hadn’t seemed proper. Someone told him at some point that it wasn’t very hygienic.

Still, it got lonely. It got lonely having nobody around him. It wasn’t like he was even that needy in the first place.

It was his minimal yet lingering neediness that led him to this situation, tucked under his thick duvet with three massive huskies curled into warm clumps against his body. One of them, Fardale, was laying right next to him. He could feel her warmth radiating from her furry body as her chest rose and fell. Her ears subconsciously twitched as he ran a hand softly along the back of her neck.

This was his castle. This was his sanctuary. These animals were his family. 

He repeated these things to himself a lot. Repetition made it a little easier to believe it. He really, really wanted to believe it. They seemed to really love him, which helped.

She let out a soft little wheeze and his heart melted in his chest into something drippy and irrational.

In the light of the wood heater, which flickered through the small heater’s window, orange licks danced along the backs of the rest of the dogs. They liked to sleep as close to him as was allowed, curled up on the bearskin and snuggled close together. A little black nose glistened in the light. This was what peace meant. Finally, he knew what peace meant.

But peace could be chaos. 

It was so quiet,  _ so quaint  _ in this place that sometimes there wasn’t a sound to distract him from the chattering thoughts in the deep pits of his mind. He liked to think he could handle anything. He liked to think a lot of stuff.

Wrapping an arm around her, he hugged Fardale a bit closer. She didn’t even stir, so comfortable and deep in her sleep to care. He could feel her fur brushing against his cheek.

Thoughts, images, sounds. His head was full of them on nights like this. Sometimes he would sleep as peacefully as a child, and other times he couldn’t sleep a wink because of shit like this. His brain felt like someone had poured ice water all over it, all dripping and miserable.

_ You’ll never have a normal family. You’ll never be normal. You’ll never be normal because you killed your father. You weren’t even normal before then. You’re abnormal. You’re objectively abnormal. _

Flames. His mind was filled with them. His brain was on fire. His heart was on fire.

He could feel his arms shaking and his breath spewing out of him in weak, shallow gasps. He could feel everything around him spinning and getting further and further away.

He let out a ragged breath of panic and pressed his face into the back of Fardale’s neck. She smelled sweaty and, well, like a dog. Still, he just needed something to distract his senses so he could shut his brain up.

Grounding.  _ He needed grounding. _

Her fur against his cheek was so weirdly soothing to him. He could feel her thick, bushy hair engulfing him. These dogs were outstandingly furry, which was probably how they so easily shrugged off the cold. Her warmth beneath the surface of her fur was blissful, and he could feel his face reddening as she warmed him inside and out. He felt his breathing gradually steady up again, the dirty little thought that was running through his read running out of steam. Always yelling at himself was getting exhausting. There was no undoing what he had done. It was over now. It wasn’t happening anymore. He was safe. He was home. He was safe.

He woke abruptly to Fardale’s tongue lapping at his face. Squinting and rolling away from her, he rubbed the saliva out of his skin onto his sleeve. The dogs were gathered around his bed, tails wagging as they patiently waited to be fed. Maybe he’d never have a normal family. That wasn’t such a bad thing. He had this. He had this illusory household of animals. Animals loved you no matter what. Animals didn’t care about where you came from or what you did.

Sometimes peace could be chaos, but sometimes it was just peace for peace’s sake.

David smiled, and slid out of bed.

“Let’s get you fed, you hungry little bastards.” He grunted. “We have a long training session today.”


End file.
